Dearest Gentle Reader, this Monday the Grand Assembly returns from recess bearing documents of extraordinary volume, a court has declared common sense the winner of a £100 million dispute, and a personal trainer has been awarded a small fortune for the crime of an empty chair. There is, besides all this, a whiteboard in Nottingham that this Author cannot shake from her thoughts - and which every person of conscience ought to know about.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings confessions of innocence from the highest reaches of North Britain, a recently resigned minister who appears to have forgotten his own government's budget, and a fungus that has declared war on a foreign invader with more success than most diplomatic efforts of recent memory. Your lorgnette will earn its keep today.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday has delivered embezzled motorhomes, a former prime minister's unsolicited lecture to a current one, shadowy Muscovite fleets in Kingdom waters, and energy bills that would make even the most stoic among us reach for the smelling salts. This Author's quill has scarcely paused for breath, and the surprises are far from exhausted.