Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings revelations so rich in scandal that even This Author's pen trembles slightly - from a disgraced financier's hidden network in the Capital's most fashionable borough, to a certain American president who has appointed himself spokesman for the entire Kingdom. And if that were not sufficient to detain you, a knighted rock legend has confided his lifetime philosophy in seven words, and it is considerably wiser than anything uttered in the Grand Assembly this session.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings revelations most extraordinary - corner shops with a rather more creative product range than one might expect, a £662 million handshake across the Channel that has caused no small controversy, and a former prime minister with some thoroughly convenient concerns about the very industry now signing his pay cheques. This Author's eyebrows have scarcely had a moment's rest.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a government that wishes to govern your toddler's viewing habits, a peer whose personal telephone is suddenly of the greatest public interest, and a woman who believed ziplining in Mexico was entirely compatible with being housebound. One barely knows where to direct one's eyebrow first.