Dearest Gentle Reader, this day brings dispatches from the Himalayan heights, the operating theatres of tomorrow, and the Cotswolds - where a certain Duke and Duchess have rather quietly made themselves at home. There is also a blood-red moon expected before dawn on Friday, which This Author considers either a portent or a coincidence, and declines to say which.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings a celestial spectacle, a ballot paper the length of a dining table, and an economy that grows on sunshine and football - but stumbles on sewerage. This Author has much to impart, and very little of it will leave you feeling entirely reassured about the state of the nation.

Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatch contains a funeral director of quite spectacular cupidity, a Prime Minister already discovering the joys of telling his own Cabinet the word 'no', and a soap actor whose Wednesday evening took a turn not entirely befitting the role of Alfie Moon. This Author's lorgnette has been working rather hard - do read on.