Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday has delivered embezzled motorhomes, a former prime minister's unsolicited lecture to a current one, shadowy Muscovite fleets in Kingdom waters, and energy bills that would make even the most stoic among us reach for the smelling salts. This Author's quill has scarcely paused for breath, and the surprises are far from exhausted.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Monday brings dispatches of such varying weight that this Author's lorgnette has barely had a moment's rest - from a judicial decision that has left the entire Kingdom aghast, to a Cabinet minister's aircraft subjected to the most ungentlemanly interference from an easterly neighbour. And if that were not sufficient drama, a single passenger's carelessly packed luggage has managed to reroute an entire aeroplane to Rome. Today's column contains multitudes.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Author writes to you from beneath a sun so unseasonably ferocious that the very social calendar has begun to wilt. His Majesty the King has been spotted laughing at a replica crown - and that is merely the most dignified item in today's dispatch. A politician campaigning against unsafe streets whilst harbouring a rather personal relationship with a criminal conviction is a detail that deserves your fullest attention.