Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a government that wishes to govern your toddler's viewing habits, a peer whose personal telephone is suddenly of the greatest public interest, and a woman who believed ziplining in Mexico was entirely compatible with being housebound. One barely knows where to direct one's eyebrow first.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author has today encountered a footpath of preposterous length, designer hounds behaving most abominably, and a certain former ambassador whose correspondence grows ever more fascinating by the hour. One would not wish to miss a single word of what follows.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author's column today concerns hidden fortunes, blank pages that set Westminster ablaze, and a stable door shut far too late to matter. One might think the Season's intrigues could not grow more delicious - one would be gravely mistaken. Do click through before someone less discreet reveals what you have missed.