Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings a trio of contradictions so delicious that This Author scarcely knows where to begin - a government that begs grocers for mercy, loosens the very sanctions it swore to tighten, and finds a certain royal duchess once again in the orbit of a man making very free with palace connections. Pull up a chair; the kettle need not be on long.

Dearest Gentle Reader, Storm Dave has made a thorough nuisance of himself across the Kingdom on this Easter Sunday, yet the weather is the least of our concerns - for a certain American provocateur threatens to descend upon the Capital this summer, and the corridors of power are distinctly unamused. Meanwhile, the Royal Family has braved the elements for chapel, a new Archbishop has delivered her first sermon, and the comedy industry has begged the government for money, which is, one must admit, the most British thing imaginable.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a government that wishes to govern your toddler's viewing habits, a peer whose personal telephone is suddenly of the greatest public interest, and a woman who believed ziplining in Mexico was entirely compatible with being housebound. One barely knows where to direct one's eyebrow first.