Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday has delivered electoral carnage of the most spectacular variety, a nautical health scare that even the most imaginative novelist could not have contrived, and the most joyous centenary this Author has had the privilege of recording. Pull up a chair, for the tea is already cold and the scandal is piping hot.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings revelations so rich in scandal that even This Author's pen trembles slightly - from a disgraced financier's hidden network in the Capital's most fashionable borough, to a certain American president who has appointed himself spokesman for the entire Kingdom. And if that were not sufficient to detain you, a knighted rock legend has confided his lifetime philosophy in seven words, and it is considerably wiser than anything uttered in the Grand Assembly this session.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings a prime minister in desperate need of better advisers, a community in desperate need of protection, and a life jacket that has, against all odds, appreciated in value over the past century. This Author has opinions on all three - and a raised eyebrow firmly in reserve for those who claim ignorance most loudly.