Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings a prime minister issuing warnings he can barely enforce, a Russian warship with a flair for the dramatic, and a television personality whose news silences even this Author's sharpest quill. The digital salons, the nation's grocery bill, and a retired couple with nerves of steel all demand your attention - and this Author, for once, is quite out of breath keeping up.

Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatch brings corridors where there ought to be beds, a police commissioner at war with the criminal underworld of stolen telephones, and one very persistent retail magnate who has apparently decided that owning a quarter of Hugo Boss is simply not sufficient. If you had hoped for a quiet Thursday, this Author is afraid the news has other ideas entirely.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings a transatlantic telephone call of splendid bluntness, a defence plan as absent as good sense in certain quarters, and a kebab scandal so audacious it deserves its own chapter in the annals of culinary deception. Plus - a royal wedding to restore one's faith in the possibility of a happy ending, if one can only get past the fraudulent mutton first.