Dearest Gentle Reader, this Monday brings royalty venturing into uncertain territory abroad, a river reduced to something a chicken would blush to admit responsibility for, and a Kenyan gentleman who has made a mockery of the very concept of two hours. This Author has also received intelligence on the state of the nation's health that is rather less diverting - and a tale of courage from the Northern Province that demands every reader's attention.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday has delivered a dispatch so varied in its alarms that this Author's pen has barely paused for breath - from the corridors of power where a Prime Minister protests, rather too vigorously, that everyone loves him, to a Surrey suburb where a mob was roused by a crime that never occurred. And amidst the geopolitical tumult, one small stuffed kangaroo is quietly preparing for a transatlantic diplomatic mission. Read on - you will not regret it.