Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has delivered a budget shortfall, a political backstab before breakfast, and - most remarkably - a marmoset discovered abandoned on a north-west London omnibus. The new prime minister has not yet had time to find the kettle in his new residence, and already the knives are sharpened and the public finances are looking distinctly fragile. This Author has opinions on all of it, and decorum shall restrain only the mildest of them.

Dearest Gentle Reader, the Southern Kingdom broils at thirty-seven degrees and the corridors of power run equally hot - a Chancellor faces demotion, a defence plan presses on without its Prime Minister, and a national inquiry at last names the towns where truth has too long been buried. This Author has much to report, and not all of it may be borne lightly.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Monday brings royalty venturing into uncertain territory abroad, a river reduced to something a chicken would blush to admit responsibility for, and a Kenyan gentleman who has made a mockery of the very concept of two hours. This Author has also received intelligence on the state of the nation's health that is rather less diverting - and a tale of courage from the Northern Province that demands every reader's attention.