Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatch brings royal confessions of torchlight reading, a Northern Province stand-off three decades in the making, and a liberated prisoner whose gratitude to the state is - shall we say - uniquely expressed. There is also a gentleman of the Verdant Society who refuses to depart, and a constabulary official undone by the very technology meant to protect us all. Hover your lorgnette close, for the details are quite extraordinary.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings a royal war of words that not even the most accomplished diplomatist could smooth over, a billionaire whose patriotism travels no further than the Monaco border, and a government scheme that may yet place the parents in gaol while the children run free. This Author has opinions on all of it - and a great deal of barely concealed astonishment.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings confessions from the highest reaches of the Secret Intelligence Service, heartbreak from the corridors of the National Health Society, and a palace dispute so combustible it could warm an entire London season. This Author has rarely set down her pen with a heavier hand - nor, she confesses, a more astonished expression.