Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings a Palace rebuttal of such exquisite precision that this Author nearly applauded, a drug two years overdue that has arrived at last for a thousand women, and a stranger who read a plea on the digital salons and promptly donated a kidney - because why not. The day is grave, the day is warm, and the day is, in its way, rather remarkable.

Dearest Gentle Reader, the word 'surprised' has never carried quite so much diplomatic freight as it does this Tuesday - and that is before This Author has even addressed the hosepipe bans that persist through the wettest week since February, or the thirteen-year-old who has today exchanged Berkshire for Berkshire, with considerably higher fees. The corridors of power, the emergency wards, and the royal household have all furnished this column with material enough to raise an eyebrow clean off one's face - do read on.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday delivers a masked stand-off at the port, a politician who was emphatically not listening to a conversation about half a million pounds, and a railway terminus full of passengers going precisely nowhere - all while the thermometer climbs to midsummer heights in the first week of September. One hardly knows whether to reach for a fan or a lawyer.