Dearest Gentle Reader, this day has delivered grief most genuine, a royal visit most calamitous, and a bail application so audacious it left seasoned detectives speechless. This Author has survived the heat, the headlines, and the revelation that a letter from a rapper carries less legal weight than one might hope - and she is ready to report every last extraordinary detail.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings a rogue's gallery of undeclared benefits, a constabulary in need of its conscience, and a royal grandfather separated from his grandchildren by four long years and a dispute over police protection. This Author has opinions on all of it - and she has not even reached the artificial intelligence that now wishes to diagnose your ailments before you have finished describing them.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday delivers a most peculiar mixture of the scorching, the scandalous, and the strangely poignant - including a royal reunion four years in the making, a record shattered for the third day running, and a castle full of sculptures that even their owner refuses to claim. This Author has opinions on all of it, and very little intention of keeping them to herself.