Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings fire, collision, and political paralysis in quantities sufficient to exhaust even the most devoted observer of society's theatre. A prime minister gets on with the job - but which job, and for how much longer? And one rather loud television personality has news that is, for once, entirely welcome.

Dearest Gentle Reader, His Majesty the King has been distributing honours with magnificent liberality, North Britain has dissolved into tearful footballing rapture, and somewhere in Kansas City, a thief has made off with England's boots. This Author has opinions on all of it - and a particular view on one shop's attitude towards bacon that she simply cannot keep to herself.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings a high street crackdown long overdue, a safeguarding secret kept for three years in plain sight of the directors' box, and a heron who has, frankly, made a more dramatic entrance to these shores than most members of the ton manage in an entire Season. This Author has barely had time to cool her kedgeree - but then, the news waits for no one, least of all this Author.