Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings Muscovite pilots playing aerial games of dare within six metres of an unarmed RAF aircraft, a former Health Secretary announcing a leadership coup over podcast, and two hapless walkers undone by the streams of North Britain - all while free omnibuses are hailed as the great salvation of the age. This Author has opinions on every last one of these matters, and not a single one shall be left unexamined.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Sunday brings a triumvirate of delights that no fiction writer would dare invent: a resigned minister declares political catastrophe before luncheon, the Kingdom finishes last in Europe's grandest singing contest with a single Ukrainian point, and the Capital spends four and a half million pounds keeping itself from itself. Your devoted Author has observed it all - and found the absurdity quite inexhaustible.

Dearest Gentle Reader, Thursday has once again outdone itself in the production of scandal, with a leadership scramble, a war-addled economy, and a fish and chip crisis of genuinely philosophical proportions. This Author has observed much, judged freely, and raised an eyebrow at approximately everything. The Capital, the corridors of power, and one small chip shop in Pembrokeshire all have starring roles in today's most diverting dispatch.