Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings a collision of royal diplomacy, political catastrophe, and courtroom intrigue that would tax even the most seasoned observer of society's peculiarities. His Majesty the King is to be dispatched as an unlikely peace envoy to the most temperamental occupant the American Colonies have ever produced - and that is before we address the rather more domestic disasters closer to home. Steel yourself, for today's dispatches are not for the faint of heart.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings revelations most extraordinary - corner shops with a rather more creative product range than one might expect, a £662 million handshake across the Channel that has caused no small controversy, and a former prime minister with some thoroughly convenient concerns about the very industry now signing his pay cheques. This Author's eyebrows have scarcely had a moment's rest.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings a most instructive collection of calamities: prices climbing, civil servants shivering, and a fast-food empire that would prefer not to discuss its own recent history. Yet amid the gloom, a lady from Solihull has gone to the seaside and returned with something quite extraordinary - and This Author is not speaking of a stick of rock.