Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author finds herself besieged on all sides this day by whispers of missiles gone astray, a vanished Duchess whom all of America wishes to question under oath, and a governing party that cannot seem to agree upon a single thing whilst the world burns around it. Add to this celestial fireworks and a contagion in Kent, and one begins to wonder whether Saturday itself has taken leave of its senses.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author finds herself positively overwhelmed this Friday, for a certain gentleman's paid performances have come back to haunt him most spectacularly, a celebrated authoress appears to have misplaced an entire book from her memory, and the hearths of the nation face a most unwelcome price upon their warmth. One simply must read on.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author finds herself scarcely able to set down her pen, for this day has delivered no fewer than five dramas demanding attention, from a most emotional defeat in the halls of North Britain to a certain deputy sharpening her blade against her own party's leader. Add a contagion most alarming, a war of arithmetic abroad, and a countryside menace with four legs and no remorse, and you have a Wednesday that shall not soon be forgotten.