Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings news that demands both a bowed head and a raised eyebrow - sometimes in the very same paragraph. A sign has fallen upon the faithful, the skies have declared war upon the bank holiday, and the Southern Kingdom is, it transpires, quietly running out of water while simultaneously being drenched. Your devoted observer has made sense of it all, if sense is quite the word.

Dearest Gentle Reader, Storm Dave has made a thorough nuisance of himself across the Kingdom on this Easter Sunday, yet the weather is the least of our concerns - for a certain American provocateur threatens to descend upon the Capital this summer, and the corridors of power are distinctly unamused. Meanwhile, the Royal Family has braved the elements for chapel, a new Archbishop has delivered her first sermon, and the comedy industry has begged the government for money, which is, one must admit, the most British thing imaginable.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday has delivered arsonists, a hospital's fatal silence, a crystal meth-collecting former Justice Minister, and a hero who embraced a bomber - all before Canterbury makes ecclesiastical history this very afternoon. This Author's constitution has been tested, her eyebrow raised to quite unprecedented heights, and her admiration for a certain nurse from Leeds knows no earthly bounds.