Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has furnished your devoted Author with a sacking, an ultimatum, a most consequential inquiry, a recycling catastrophe, and a mortgage rate that would make even the stoutest heart quiver. Who has been dismissed with the particular terseness of an institution hoping nobody asks further questions - and which great reform has been deposited, with ceremony, directly into the bin? All shall be revealed within.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a government that wishes to govern your toddler's viewing habits, a peer whose personal telephone is suddenly of the greatest public interest, and a woman who believed ziplining in Mexico was entirely compatible with being housebound. One barely knows where to direct one's eyebrow first.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings economic prophecies dark enough to make one's teacup tremble, shadow ships lurking in the Channel, and a corporate resignation that speaks volumes - mostly in the language of shoes. This Author has studied the day's dispatches with great care, and she invites you to draw rather closer, for the news is not fit to shout across a ballroom.