Dearest Gentle Reader, the prisons are full, a pastor is mourned, and a shadow minister has announced himself to the world a full two years before anyone is required to vote. This Sunday brings grief, political theatre, and a Channel crossing gone very badly wrong - and this Author has opinions on all of it.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a bitten constable in Norfolk, a World Cup footballer who is apparently shocked - quite shocked - to find himself charged with assault, and a man in Coleraine brought low by a measurement of ten centimetres. This Author has raised both eyebrows and cannot promise to lower them before luncheon.

Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatches bring a stairlift salesman with unusual opinions on oncology, a Conservative leader with unusual opinions on rehabilitation, and a nation's vegetables quietly shrinking in the heat. This Author has raised every available eyebrow - and invites you to do the same.