Dearest Gentle Reader, one hundred and fourteen guilty verdicts, a man who declared himself a traitor before the first advertisement break, and a violent home invasion targeting a pregnant woman - Friday has arrived in characteristically unsubtle fashion. This Author has also uncovered a musical lawsuit of some delicacy, and a government campaign against the muesli aisle that defies all reasonable expectation. Prepare yourself.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings democracy to the doorstep, a Princess bound for Italy, and thirty lorries operating under cover of darkness in the Essex countryside. This Author has questions about all three - and the answers are, as ever, more diverting than one might expect.