Dearest Gentle Reader, one hundred and fourteen guilty verdicts, a man who declared himself a traitor before the first advertisement break, and a violent home invasion targeting a pregnant woman - Friday has arrived in characteristically unsubtle fashion. This Author has also uncovered a musical lawsuit of some delicacy, and a government campaign against the muesli aisle that defies all reasonable expectation. Prepare yourself.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings dispatches that range from the gravely troubling to the gloriously absurd - and this Author has attended to every last one. Certain members of the Jewish community are hiding their faith beneath a baseball cap, a Prime Minister is performing remarkable feats of political gymnastics, and twenty-one celebrities are preparing to betray one another in the Scottish Highlands for our entertainment. Read on, if you dare.