Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has arrived armed with declarations of national peril, institutional catastrophe, and - most improbably - a reformed rock musician. The corridors of power tremble, the antipodes receive their most commercially minded visitors, and a gentleman who once scorned an honour now wishes to bring flowers and apologise. Your column awaits.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings a diplomatic retreat of breathtaking awkwardness, a Duke embroiled in litigation with the very charity he created, and weather so offended by its own recent warmth that it has sent hail by way of apology. This Author has observations on all of it - and a raised eyebrow to spare.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author's teacup very nearly shattered upon the floor this morning, so breathless were the dispatches that arrived - one involving warships and a dragon that may yet breathe fire, another a most improbable party reaching for the atomic forge, and a third so delicious it simply must be read to be believed. Do not dare let this day pass uninformed.