Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author finds herself besieged on all sides this day by whispers of missiles gone astray, a vanished Duchess whom all of America wishes to question under oath, and a governing party that cannot seem to agree upon a single thing whilst the world burns around it. Add to this celestial fireworks and a contagion in Kent, and one begins to wonder whether Saturday itself has taken leave of its senses.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author's column today concerns golden handshakes of a most platinum variety, warnings ignored with breathtaking audacity, and a confession from the nation's physicians that will have every employer raising an eyebrow. The fuse, it seems, has been lit - and only a fool would look away before the spark reaches the powder.