Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings grief from the skies above Loch Lomond, a Chancellor pronouncing on runways from Bangkok of all places, a First Minister counting stars over Aberdeen, and a nurse whose definition of familial devotion runs to three-quarters of a million pounds and a campervan. Whether the nation's appetite for drama is quite equal to all of it - or whether, like the contestants of a certain castle-based entertainment, we shall simply yawn and be done with it - is a matter This Author leaves entirely to your discernment.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings dispatches that range from the gravely troubling to the gloriously absurd - and this Author has attended to every last one. Certain members of the Jewish community are hiding their faith beneath a baseball cap, a Prime Minister is performing remarkable feats of political gymnastics, and twenty-one celebrities are preparing to betray one another in the Scottish Highlands for our entertainment. Read on, if you dare.