Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatch brings corridors where there ought to be beds, a police commissioner at war with the criminal underworld of stolen telephones, and one very persistent retail magnate who has apparently decided that owning a quarter of Hugo Boss is simply not sufficient. If you had hoped for a quiet Thursday, this Author is afraid the news has other ideas entirely.

Dearest Gentle Reader, Thursday has once again outdone itself in the production of scandal, with a leadership scramble, a war-addled economy, and a fish and chip crisis of genuinely philosophical proportions. This Author has observed much, judged freely, and raised an eyebrow at approximately everything. The Capital, the corridors of power, and one small chip shop in Pembrokeshire all have starring roles in today's most diverting dispatch.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday has delivered electoral carnage of the most spectacular variety, a nautical health scare that even the most imaginative novelist could not have contrived, and the most joyous centenary this Author has had the privilege of recording. Pull up a chair, for the tea is already cold and the scandal is piping hot.