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Gentle Reader, this Author broke her fast this Monday morning with the singular pleasure of knowing that today – of all days – the corridors of power would be positively humming. The Grand Assembly returns from recess, and it does so bearing documents. A great many documents. Indeed, a government spokesman has promised the second tranche of the Lord Mandelson papers will constitute “among the largest publications ever laid in the Grand Assembly.” One suspects the sheer tonnage is designed to bury the headlines beneath the weight of the footnotes.
To recap, for those who have been sensibly wintering in the country: Lord Mandelson was sacked as the Kingdom’s ambassador to the American Colonies after revelations about the extent of his association with the late Lord Epstein. The first tranche of papers, published in March, revealed that Lord Starmer was warned of a “general reputational risk” before the appointment – and that his own national security adviser found it all “weirdly rushed.” Weirdly rushed! The man’s vetting file, meanwhile, remains withheld at the request of the Metropolitan Constabulary. This Author finds the phrase “largest publication ever laid in the Grand Assembly” rather less reassuring than intended, given that the most interesting document of all shall apparently not be among them.
From one embarrassment neatly avoided to another: the international court at the Hague’s Permanent Court of Arbitration has ruled that the Kingdom need not pay Rwanda a single penny over the collapsed asylum scheme. Rwanda had demanded upwards of £100 million – a sum that Lord Sunak and Lord Johnson between them conjured the scheme to avoid, by the circuitous logic of sending asylum seekers to Rwanda in the first place. Lord Starmer declared the plan “dead and buried” upon taking office, which Rwanda apparently took personally. The Kingdom’s lawyers argued before the court that it was “entirely logical” and “simple common sense” that a new government would scrap its predecessor’s policies. The court, commendably, agreed. Common sense prevailing at a court of law – mark the date, Gentle Reader, for it does not always happen.
Now, to an affair that is neither amusing nor easy to address with a light pen, and yet which demands to be addressed nonetheless. The Broadcasting Society’s Panorama programme has obtained documents from the maternity unit at Nottingham University Hospitals – the subject of the largest maternity inquiry in the history of the National Health Society, covering approximately 2,500 families between 2012 and 2025. What was written on a whiteboard beside the names of heavily pregnant women was not a clinical instruction. It was an acronym – three letters, the first of which is a word this Author would not print in a family column. The message it spelled, in its frank entirety, was that certain mothers ought to leave. A colleague, meanwhile, was reported to have counselled fellow midwives: “Don’t be too kind, she’ll keep coming back.” This Author has reported on a great deal of institutional folly, but cruelty worn as professional advice is a different and darker matter altogether. The inquiry’s findings are due on the 24th of this month. One hopes they are read by everyone who needs to read them – which is to say, a very great many people indeed.
In the northern reaches of the Kingdom, the scandal surrounding Mr Murrell – former chief executive of the Caledonian Independence Society and estranged husband of the Former First Lady of North Britain – continues to spiral in a most gratifying fashion. Mr Murrell last week pleaded guilty to embezzling more than £400,000 from the party over twelve years. Now, former Labour first minister Lord McConnell has proposed that both the Grand Assembly and the Scottish Assembly conduct a joint inquiry – reasoning that a solo Scottish Assembly investigation risks looking like a cover-up, whilst a solo Westminster one risks looking like a hatchet job. A joint inquiry, apparently, would be neither. This Author admires the logic, while observing that the Former First Lady of North Britain has already appeared on the Broadcasting Society to deny all knowledge of any wrongdoing. Twelve years, £400,000, and not a whisper? North Britain’s domestic arrangements must be conducted with quite extraordinary discretion.
Finally, and on a note that proves the employment tribunal system has at least some sense of dramatic justice: one Beth Littlewood, a former canoe polo champion turned personal trainer, has been awarded £149,000 in compensation after her employer obliged her to travel 800 miles through the night from an international sports competition in Germany to attend a disciplinary meeting – at which her manager then failed to appear. The firm in question, Nuffield Health, has since appealed, which rather suggests they have not yet absorbed the full moral of the tale. Miss Littlewood says the outcome is “not just about me,” and this Author agrees. It is also, in some small measure, about the particular humiliation of crossing half a continent only to find an empty chair.
I am, as ever, your most devoted observer – Lady Whistledown.