Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings revelations most extraordinary - corner shops with a rather more creative product range than one might expect, a £662 million handshake across the Channel that has caused no small controversy, and a former prime minister with some thoroughly convenient concerns about the very industry now signing his pay cheques. This Author's eyebrows have scarcely had a moment's rest.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday brings a most instructive collection of calamities: prices climbing, civil servants shivering, and a fast-food empire that would prefer not to discuss its own recent history. Yet amid the gloom, a lady from Solihull has gone to the seaside and returned with something quite extraordinary - and This Author is not speaking of a stick of rock.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has arrived bearing gifts of the most unwelcome variety - petrol thieves in Porsches, a beloved Queen remembered on what would have been her centenary, and news from the forecourts that would make even the most composed among us grip their reticule rather tightly. This Author has witnessed much, but today's dispatches have truly tested the nerves.