Dearest Gentle Reader, this Author has encountered, in a single Tuesday's dispatches, butter where it ought not to be, sixteen million customers and a government on standby, a fire laid by foreign hands, and a television greeting that has confounded an entire corporate investigation. If you believed today might pass without incident - this Author invites you, most warmly, to reconsider.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Wednesday has delivered embezzled motorhomes, a former prime minister's unsolicited lecture to a current one, shadowy Muscovite fleets in Kingdom waters, and energy bills that would make even the most stoic among us reach for the smelling salts. This Author's quill has scarcely paused for breath, and the surprises are far from exhausted.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this very morning brings word of an audacious shadow industry, a checkout fee that has enraged eighty thousand learner drivers, and a defence secretary dispatching one hundred and twenty thousand drones before luncheon. Whether the Kingdom's affairs are conducted with more ingenuity in its law firms or its corridors of power, This Author leaves entirely to your judgement.