Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday has delivered electoral carnage of the most spectacular variety, a nautical health scare that even the most imaginative novelist could not have contrived, and the most joyous centenary this Author has had the privilege of recording. Pull up a chair, for the tea is already cold and the scandal is piping hot.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this very morning brings word of an audacious shadow industry, a checkout fee that has enraged eighty thousand learner drivers, and a defence secretary dispatching one hundred and twenty thousand drones before luncheon. Whether the Kingdom's affairs are conducted with more ingenuity in its law firms or its corridors of power, This Author leaves entirely to your judgement.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday brings economic prophecies dark enough to make one's teacup tremble, shadow ships lurking in the Channel, and a corporate resignation that speaks volumes - mostly in the language of shoes. This Author has studied the day's dispatches with great care, and she invites you to draw rather closer, for the news is not fit to shout across a ballroom.