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Dearest Gentle Reader,
It being a Sunday, and Easter Sunday at that, one might have expected the Kingdom to rest in contemplative peace. One would, as ever, be entirely wrong. Storm Dave – a name so aggressively ordinary that This Author suspects it was assigned by committee – has seen to the roads, the railways, and any lingering pretence of seasonal serenity. Gusts of ninety-three miles per hour were recorded in Capel Curig, which is the sort of statistic that sounds invented until one’s hat disappears into a neighbour’s garden. The Humber Bridge closed overnight; the National Rail Works Commission has substituted buses for trains between Manchester Piccadilly and Chester; and spectators at Durham’s Riverside have been firmly told to stay away. The Met Office promises sunshine and showers by afternoon, which is, in this Author’s experience, simply the British weather’s way of apologising without meaning it.
Through the gales, the Royal Family demonstrated admirable resolve by processing into St George’s Chapel for the Easter Sunday service. His Majesty the King and Queen Camilla arrived to cries of “God bless the King,” which This Author considers a perfectly reasonable sentiment in present circumstances. Most heartening of all was the appearance of the Princess of Wales, absent from this occasion for two years past owing to her cancer treatment, now walking alongside the Prince of Wales and their children into the chapel. Princess Charlotte waved graciously to the assembled crowds – a child already practised in the art of public composure. Conspicuously absent were the former prince and the Duchess of York, who had attended last year but had apparently made, as the Palace put it with magnificent understatement, “alternative plans.” One does wonder what alternative plans look like when one is under investigation for misconduct in public office, but This Author shall not speculate. Much. The first Easter sermon of Dame Mullally, the new and historic Archbishop of Canterbury, called for peace in the Middle East with “renewed urgency” – a sentiment both timely and deeply felt, as conflict between the American Colonies, Israel, and Persia enters its sixth dreadful week.
And now, Gentle Reader, to the matter that has set the corridors of power buzzing with a rather less festive energy. The American rapper known alternately as Kanye West and as “Ye” – a man who has declared himself a Nazi, retracted that declaration, apologised, un-apologised, apologised again via full-page advertisement, and sold swastika-adorned garments from his clothing website – has been announced as the headline act for all three days of Wireless Festival in north the Capital. Lord Starmer has declared this “deeply concerning,” noting West’s booking occurred “despite his previous antisemitic remarks and celebration of Nazism.” Sir Davey of the Liberal Democrat Society has gone further, demanding an outright ban on West entering the Kingdom. The Home Office has not yet received a visa application – which means the full drama of a refusal remains, for now, a delicious hypothetical. West was blocked from entering Australia last year following a song entitled “Heil Hitler.” One notes, with a certain grim admiration, that it takes considerable effort to be refused entry to Australia.
On a lighter – or at least more comic – note, the finest minds of the nation’s comedy industry have petitioned the government for recognition and funding, gathering to argue that wit, satire, and the humble stand-up comedian deserve the same institutional support as opera and interpretive dance. Leading figures met ministers to propose comedy be classified as an art form in its own right. Culture Minister Lord Murray declared himself “entirely behind” exploring government intervention – which, This Author observes, is precisely the sort of carefully non-committal enthusiasm that has kept many a minister safe across the centuries. One comedian suggested that every stand-up is essentially a small business owner and entrepreneur. This Author can confirm: having observed the ton at its most preposterous for many years, comedy is indeed a survival skill.
Finally, and on a note of grave seriousness this Easter morning demands: a fourth suspect has been arrested in connection with the arson attack upon ambulances belonging to the Jewish charity Hatzola, set ablaze in a synagogue car park in Golders Green on the twenty-third of March. The court heard that nearly one million pounds of damage was caused in what prosecutors describe as a “premeditated and targeted attack against the Jewish community.” Three individuals – Hamza Iqbal, Rehan Khan, and a seventeen-year-old who cannot be named – have been remanded in custody; a fourth was arrested at the court itself on Saturday morning. The charges are arson with intent. Counter-terror police continue to investigate. At a moment when Lord Starmer speaks of the necessity for Jewish people to feel safe, the courts are doing their sober and necessary work. This Author notes it without jest, for there is none to be found here.
I am, as ever, your most devoted observer – Lady Whistledown.