Dearest Gentle Reader, this Saturday brings a collision of royal diplomacy, political catastrophe, and courtroom intrigue that would tax even the most seasoned observer of society's peculiarities. His Majesty the King is to be dispatched as an unlikely peace envoy to the most temperamental occupant the American Colonies have ever produced - and that is before we address the rather more domestic disasters closer to home. Steel yourself, for today's dispatches are not for the faint of heart.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings revelations so rich in scandal that even This Author's pen trembles slightly - from a disgraced financier's hidden network in the Capital's most fashionable borough, to a certain American president who has appointed himself spokesman for the entire Kingdom. And if that were not sufficient to detain you, a knighted rock legend has confided his lifetime philosophy in seven words, and it is considerably wiser than anything uttered in the Grand Assembly this session.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has arrived bearing gifts of the most unwelcome variety - petrol thieves in Porsches, a beloved Queen remembered on what would have been her centenary, and news from the forecourts that would make even the most composed among us grip their reticule rather tightly. This Author has witnessed much, but today's dispatches have truly tested the nerves.