Dearest Gentle Reader, this very morning brings word of an audacious shadow industry, a checkout fee that has enraged eighty thousand learner drivers, and a defence secretary dispatching one hundred and twenty thousand drones before luncheon. Whether the Kingdom's affairs are conducted with more ingenuity in its law firms or its corridors of power, This Author leaves entirely to your judgement.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author finds herself scarcely able to set down her pen, for this day has delivered no fewer than five dramas demanding attention, from a most emotional defeat in the halls of North Britain to a certain deputy sharpening her blade against her own party's leader. Add a contagion most alarming, a war of arithmetic abroad, and a countryside menace with four legs and no remorse, and you have a Wednesday that shall not soon be forgotten.