Dearest Gentle Reader, this Tuesday has delivered a budget shortfall, a political backstab before breakfast, and - most remarkably - a marmoset discovered abandoned on a north-west London omnibus. The new prime minister has not yet had time to find the kettle in his new residence, and already the knives are sharpened and the public finances are looking distinctly fragile. This Author has opinions on all of it, and decorum shall restrain only the mildest of them.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this day has delivered a fifth prime minister, a minister of shoes who resigned with honour, and a water bill so monstrous it would make even the most phlegmatic householder weep. This Author has opinions on all of it - and on a certain Hollywood wedding attended by handcuffs and an Elvis impersonator.

Dearest Gentle Reader, a new prime minister has not yet crossed the threshold of the Prime Minister's Residence and already a £1.8 billion scheme has been quietly interred - while across the Atlantic, two rather more notorious brothers find themselves in custody with fifty-nine charges between them and a lawyer who insists the world knows them innocent. Add a man who changed from trainers to a tie somewhere between Manchester and the Capital, and a summer heatwave that refuses to consult its own calendar, and you will find this Sunday has proved itself quite incapable of restraint.