Dearest Gentle Reader, Monday has once again proved itself a day of peculiar contrasts - from a government agency that cannot count children correctly, to a machine that cannot identify an innocent man buying wine for a comedy evening. This Author has also a golden athletic triumph to report, and a drought so severe that sixty rainless days have passed in Surrey without so much as a drizzle. Read on, if you dare, for the full and rather remarkable picture.

Dearest Gentle Reader, today's dispatches bring wildfire, welfare upheaval, and a fraudster who managed to disrupt an entire athletics stadium - while Great Britain's sprinters quietly made history. This Author has opinions on all of it, and not one of them is what you might expect.

Dearest Gentle Reader, this Friday brings a man who staged his own victory parade and then declined to attend it, a medical service that has only just discovered the 1980s were a poor epoch for data security, and a young woman who is quite determined to collect gold medals the way other people collect complaints. The pastures of Norfolk, the corridors of power, and the running tracks of Birmingham all demand your attention - and This Author, for once, is quite unable to decide where to point her lorgnette first.