Dearest Gentle Reader, this Author has encountered, in a single Tuesday's dispatches, butter where it ought not to be, sixteen million customers and a government on standby, a fire laid by foreign hands, and a television greeting that has confounded an entire corporate investigation. If you believed today might pass without incident - this Author invites you, most warmly, to reconsider.

Dearest Gentle Reader, This Author's tea grows cold this morning, for tragedy darkens Canterbury's doors while a certain lodging house discovers that handing strangers a lady's room key carries consequences. Add to this a most peculiar tale involving houmous, pampered hounds, and the nation's purse strings, and you have a day that demands your immediate attention.