Dearest Gentle Reader, this Thursday has furnished This Author with a 15-metre inflatable vessel, a 70-metre medieval tapestry, and a television presenter airlifted from a Devon clifftop - and that is before one has even considered the 658 employers who apparently mislaid several million pounds of their workers' wages behind the sofa cushions. Today's column contains revelations that will astonish, amuse, and perhaps persuade you never to set foot on a muddy coastal path again.